Just something small I thought about today. I went to school like normal, did my normal class things, and then at 11:00 am, I went in to take the AP Statistics Exam and man was that brutal. Oh my gosh, never again. Anyways, during the first hour and half portion of the test I was struggling constantly with falling asleep. I could not will myself to focus and I was so frustrated. I gave up after a while and took a nap. It was probably the best thing I did all day.
After the test, I went to work, an hour and a half late so all I got to do was scan files. Whoop. After work came the hard part. I went to look for a new bag for college next year to carry my music in and I was looking in a whole bunch of clothing stores and of course I went to look in my sizes to see if there was anything cute.
When I walked out of the store I had two new items of clothing and no bag. It just got me thinking I’m really going to have to crack down on my self restraint because if I want to save up enough money for a car fast enough then I’m going to have to not spend, as much as possible. it’ll be kind of difficult because every once in a while a really enjoy a chocolate bar or a shirt I look cute in.
Having self restraint is one of the most beautiful and deadly attributes people can possess. It is a wonder to watch someone who should be getting angry just calmly asses the situation and keep level headed. Having the power to say “no” is hard enough, especially to oneself. I applaud the people that can do this, for I am certainly not one. And mostly I just learn to deal with it. If my heart is set on something I will chase it until I collapse.
Self restraint is also deadly, going back to the angry situation can you imagine how much fire must be raging inside someone who should be furious on the outside but is instead serene? I’ve felt a little bit of this way before, and maybe it’s because that fire within is empowering and fuels the drive to get what you want. I love the fire within, it’s special to me and allows me to trust myself with a heat that no one else shares with me. It empowers me to defy what the world wants me to be and now I can blaze my own path.
I just need to learn where the lines are and that no means no.
Oh another note, I read the most touching poem today. Again I cried, I do that thing… Here