The Lack Thereof

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about time and what it is (I made my whole post about it yesterday). I couldn’t think of anything to define what time is. I guess I didn’t finish my thought process. How is it that one moment can seem to last an eternity and in other instances hours can pass in what seems like minutes? I cannot comprehend the fact that time seems to fluctuate when we “know” it is dictated by consistent intervals. Why can’t my brain slow everything down if it can slow certain moments down, and similarly why can’t it seem to speed up the last 15 minutes of work on a Friday.

That whole idea of what is time got me thinking about a lot of things today.

I was on Pinterest the other day and I read that story about the college student that defied a professors claim about there being no God because there was technically no evidence of him. The college student referred to darkness and cold and the idea that neither of those exist there is only a lack of light and heat. (That student was Einstein, by the way)

In this case is there only a lack of love? What if it is not love but a lack of hate? Perhaps we are incredibly hateful and when we don’t hate people so much we define it as love. I was thinking about opposites in this too. The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. And the opposite of hate is indifference as well. So mathematically you would assume hate and love are the same thing in varying aspects, love is one side of the scale, while hate is labeled as the complete other end of the same thing.

Thinking about trying to explain things, I could explain love. I couldn’t express why I loved certain people and why I couldn’t love others. Is that “love” I feel for people the same “love” I feel for, say, Black Bottom Rum pie? I certainly hope that someday I don’t love my companion the same way I love pie. Pie comes first. Pie always comes first.

Just kidding, but really. Why do we love certain things? Why are we so attracted to a certain way someone is? What about someone’s eyes is so alluring that can’t seem to look away? Why do friends become so dear? Why do we trust people? Do we have a purpose as human kind to accomplish something? Are we randomly organized into families? Are we even organized? Are we supposed to be compatible with those who seem to be permanent in your life? Why are we so afraid of what we don’t know?

So many questions today… but that last one really caught me. Why are we (as a human race) so afraid of the unknown? Maybe that’s why we put titles on things we can’t control or even understand. Love, time, trust, fate, reality.

Am I afraid of the unknown? In an obvious sense, of course I am, but I like to think I embrace it and am willing to try something. The more I am going through my office of a mind and organizing the files in my head, the more I realize there is so much there, and yet there is so much space to learn new things. I wrote earlier about “Confessions of an Old Soul” and I’d been told I was an old soul, I had that thought in my mind, but I don’t think I’d sorted it out in my mind yet.

I am an old soul. That doesn’t mean I’m any smarter, or any better, not at all. Being an old soul just means the thoughts in my head are aged. They’re not any more important, or anything of that sort. I just have to embrace the way I am. I think in a way that not many people seem to anymore. Lots of things in the world seem to focus on the new and better, and that’s fantastic, it intrigues me, the wonders that can come from men’s hands (like a cell phone call, for Pete’s sake how on earth am I able to have this little metal box that supposedly sends little disruptions of signals to another metal box which reflects to another box? What? I don’t get it, but somehow it works, and it’s fascinating.)

I guess today what I learned is that I want to be open to plenty of things. I want to be able to give everything “good” and fair chance. That’s an objective I’ve set for myself and something I want to live by. “Good” can be scary, frightening, imposing, or anything like that, that instills fear, but if I deem it to be good, then I want to give it a shot. Because when you test your boundaries, that is where you find truth, about yourself, and about everything else.

One more thought for the night. While I think being open to lots of things is great, I also think that I need to have a solid idea of what I want to be and who I am, and not let that change without my consent. I once quoted a song to a friend, and I thought the quote was for them, but now I realize that it was for me. “Decide what to be, and go be it.”

“Decide what to be, and go be it”

That doesn’t mean decide to be a Cheerios-only-in-the-morning, kind of person, it means decide what kind of person to be. Decide to be pleasant, or patient. I mean hey, if you want to be isolated then so be it. Just be safe. Haha, like I control you. Do what you want.

Today was a perfect day to be happy, and tomorrow looks good too.

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