Maybe, It’s Okay

Maybe it’s okay to know before you’re “old”. For some reason, I keep having people tell me, “You’ll change your mind” or “You’ll understand when you’re older.” Maybe, people assume that because I’m young and just starting college, I don’t have a clear idea of what I really want, or that I may not really understand because I have a filter in my mind that only allows me to see certain things.

I’m not typically outspoken, or very vocal about my opinion, but I will defend it if the necessary. I try to keep an open mind and understand all different points of veiw, but I understand that personal bias always plays a role regardless of the situation and most times, it’s for the best.
I thought a lot about something recently that’s still taboo to most. I love children, I seem to get along really well with them, but I don’t think I want to have any of my own. I haven’t committed to one outcome versus the other, but I feel uncomfortable when people tell me, that I will have kids, or that there’s no way I couldn’t. When I think about my long term plan, I feel best about teaching music, and travelling the world. Both of those things would be difficult with children. While teaching would give me a similar schedule, it wouldn’t be with my children, I’d be with other people’s children. But maybe that’s enough. Could it be that teaching children for 8 hours a day is enough for me? I guess I’ll find out when it happens.
Personally, I don’t think everyone should be a mother. Some people physically cannot have children, whether their bodies can’t, or they simply can’t afford to have a child. Other women emotionally are not stable enough to have children.
I think the veiw of having children and motherhood has been sckewed somewhat and is misrepresented. (Here’s a great article about choosing not to have kids, 7 Real Reasons…)
In some marriages I’ve observed, a man and woman may be having struggles in their relationship and try to mend these tensions by having children, figuring that this small human being will bring them closer together. While this may or may not work, couldn’t the consequences of it not working be devastating to a child?

Another misconception of having children is that the mother assumes a higher rank in society. Many even assume it’s a woman’s highest rank. I want to make it my goal to prove that the elite status of women is something to be worked for, and should vary between ability and character.

For these reasons, it makes me increasingly uncomfortable that people assume I will have children, and I feel restricted, even burdened that it is my only option.


Another thing people keep saying is that college is the best time of your life. I hope I’ll agree with that as I get further into it, but I think for different reasons. It seems that people go to college and start to find themselves. They experiement with different types of clohthing, social groups, studies, and blah, the list goes on.
I think college for me will be more of developing who I am, and being comfortable with the way I like things to be. I know I’m not very social, I’d much rather do all the things with a couple of close friends, then do lots of things with different people.
I saw a quote on Pinterest the other day, “I guess when you’re young, you just believe there’ll be many people with whom you’ll connect with. Later in life, you’ll realize it only happens a few times.”
I’d rather spend my time now being aware of the people I really connect with.
I don’t want to waste time “creating” myself when I know who I am. I want to create my memories wisely.
I’ve read a couple of articles about being alone and how to not dread it. A common theme throughout the articles was that maybe just one is okay. Maybe it’s okay just to be by yourself for a little while. I love this.
I love the idea that you don’t need anyone else, and whoever is in your life was carefully, hand selected.
Another qutoe I love is “If I’m going to be married, I want to be very married.” I agree so much. Haha, if I get married, I want my husband to be more of myself than I am. So, basically, still just one.

Is it only me, or does it seem that the love in marriage is dissapearing? People stay together because it’s convenient, or they have physical obligations (I don’t know, children?) that prevent them from separating.
There’s been a lot of tension going on in the world surrounding “love”. It’s one of those things you can’t define, and I don’t think it should be dictated. I think love is love, and like apples, or hatred, or people, it comes in many forms, and happens for even more reasons. Love is just love. The feelings are complicated, but love isn’t.

Speaking of being young, I read a couple articles containing advice from the not so young. Some of my favorites consisted of:
“Celebrate everday.”
“Even if you feel hatred, keep it to yourself.”
“Don’t ever give up on love”
“Nobody else controls you”
“If you’re embarressed to be dating someone, you probably shouldn’t be dating them.”
“Find your passion and live it”
“Choose the right parents”
“Figure out what you believe in and live it completely.”
“Take time to mourn what you’ve lost”
“Be satisfied, you don’t have to be ‘happy’ all the time”
“Don’t die too early”
“The secret to longevity is ice cream”
“Be honest”
“Have an open mind, things seem less strange”
“Always listen to other people”
“Take naps everyday”
“Be loveable and people will love you”
“Look inside your soul and find your tools”
“Craft your family”

Okay, so that’s a lot of quotes… What can I say? A lot of those are really good.

My point is that none of this advice is limited to age, so maybe it’s okay to know right now. Maybe it’s okay to know when I’m 30.

It’s okay.


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