Yesterday, I was invited to play the new Star Wars Battlefront with a friend and when I got there he handed me a present that contained just a few things I absolutely love. I still don’t know how to feel. Of course I am grateful for his thoughtfulness, and I really do love the gift, but at the same time, I feel heavy and sad weighing on me.
While playing the game I got a message from another friend with a link to a great article about Depression. I was just thinking that depression might not mean that everything is doom and gloom, but that you see both ends of the spectrum. There are times when I’m paralyzed by sadness, and there are other times, when I don’t think I’ve ever felt so happy. The happiness doesn’t last, but it makes being sad bearable because not everything is bad.
I’ve heard that most of the time Depression makes you numb to emotions, and I don’t quite think that’s true in my case (or maybe my depression isn’t at that point). I feel the emotions, I’m just on emotional lock down most of the time, I think I’ve always been that way. It takes a lot of trust for me to open up to someone and let them know how I am feeling.
For some other odd reason, sometimes I stumble into songs that just hit me really hard, for no apparent reason. It’s not the words just more of the feel that resonates with me. Here’s the most recent song I’ve found: