This Time, No.

Maddism #5: If you are hungry and only have a block of Sharp Cheddar Cheese, eating the whole thing is not a good idea. Don’t eat the whole thing. Just don’t.


 

Dead feelings suck. It’s even worse when people can tell that you have an emotional lack or wall. It seems to be discouraging to potential friends which makes it difficult.

Mumford & Sons have a great song, Winter Winds (Click it, I dare you), with the line “My heart told my head, This time, no.”

I feel this way sometimes. And not just about romantic relationships. It just gets so heavy on the heart to try and create feelings that just aren’t there naturally. And you know they should be there, something just isn’t working. It’s rough.


 

I am a lover of creative things. I think I have a deeper connection with art than with people most of the time.

I don’t write poems, but I scribbled this out a while ago:

I Am Not Alone

I wake up feeling tired
and there’s someone next to me
I try to avoid waking him up
Too late, he’s awake, I can’t flee.

I shower and put on makeup
I feel beautiful, and he wants to say so
But when he kisses my forehead
his sadness blooms on face and starts to show.

He walks me to my car,
sits in the passenger seat
He’ll hold my hand when I drive,
Sometimes I find it sweet.

Someone comes up to me to say “Hello”,
I respond quickly, happily I might mention,
But something halts the connection too soon,
It’s him, he’s trying to regain my attention.

We go for a walk later
and I had to ask what I already knew
“Why are you so determined to be with me?”
Somehow, silently he tells me “I love you”

Daylight retreats, it’s just me now
He still waits for me in bed
wraps his arms around me tight
and puts thoughts in my head.

No one can see him,
But at least I am not alone.

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