What Happened?

Do you ever look back on your life and think, what happened to everything? Where did my money go? My Friends? Family? Stability? Choices? Morals? What happened to it all?

I was looking back on the past year and it’s kind of been insane. And it all really started about a year ago. I started college, moved out of my parents house, lost all of my close friends, bought a car, got 4 jobs, decided to study Astrophysics, found some really great friends, and remembered how to care. (Forgetting to care always reminded me of this song: Morning Song – The Avett Brothers)

People come into your life and they change you. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to avoid it, because relationships evolve.

It was about a year ago that all my friends started to leave. It’s almost unreal to look back and think that the only people I still talk to from a year ago are the people in my family. But new people step in. The people that stepped into my life have taught me a few important things so far:

You’re not my best friend, or my favorite, but that’s okay because I like you.

Life will always keep on changing

You can care about anyone.

One of the biggest things I lost this past year was caring about people. I mean really, truly, care about people. I have superficially cared about people like I always have. But I used to be over expressive and overly caring. People rejected it, so I turned it off. In doing so I’ve let  my mind think about other things rather than how to care about people.

I turned into someone the past year that wasn’t me. I tried sticking to morals that didn’t fit my personality or beliefs, and I let my mind just settle for what I thought I wanted. I let people trick me into thinking that was okay. It’s only been in the past few months that I’ve been able to really start getting out of it. And you learn to be okay with yourself, more than you used to be.

It’s okay if people poke at my flabby parts, it’s part of my genes and it’s just part of me. It’s okay it not everyone wants to be my friend. It’s fine if I don’t look like a swimsuit model. It’s okay if people don’t always understand my sarcasm. It’s Okay. Most things will end up being okay in the end.

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