I Am, Frankly, Just Maddie

This is me: 

My name is Maddie, short for Madison. I grew up in a suburban neighborhood outside of Phoenix. Like a true desert rat, I enjoy the heat, and shiver if it drops below 85. I’m a student at Arizona State, and love to create things. But honestly, there are many people just like me.

I know there are many who struggle with Calculus. There are plenty of people who get covered in ink every time they touch a pen. And there’s got to be at least one other person out there who isn’t always encouraging when looking in a mirror. 

I know there are women who are on the social standard, “more attractive” in both facial features, and body appreance. 

But I say, screw it. 

Apparently this video has gone viral, and it must have been because I found it somehow:

I may not be perfect, I am, frankly, just Miss Maddie Jane – and that doesn’t mean nothing. 

I may not be “hot”, “sexy”, or “jaw-dropping”, but I know I’m cute, and I’m pretty fudging good at this one. I know I look good when I put in the effort. So what do flabby arms, meaty thighs, and a double chin have in common? They’re mine, and love them for what they do, not how they’re advertised. I love my body for its ability to accomplish and endure. Loving the way it looks is hard sometimes, but you just gotta keep working on it. 

Here’s another picture that sums me up. I’m in line wearing a cow shirt waiting for free Chick-fil-A. And I literally can’t even blink together like a regular person. So? I got free chicken just like I could blink normally. 

I may not be great at Calculus, but I’m pretty good at not giving up. I may always end up a mess, but I create awesome things from time to time. Maybe I cry in front of the mirror sometimes, but more often than not, it’s that same body I sneer at in the mornings, that keeps me healthy and gets me through my insanely long days. 

I’m feisty, abrasive, and get what I want – at least, I am when I choose to be. But my biggest issue with choosing to be feisty and pushing for what I what, is that I tend to let that mindset apply in all manners of my life. For example if I wanted to ask for a raise at work, I’d probably go about it shyly and not very insistent, because that’s how I generally am. If I were to train myself into the mindset of “I should demand…, because I deserve…” then that mindset will leak into other relationships in my life and I’ve come to discover that this attitude generally poisons relationships. 

So I choose to maintain my friendships, and keep those in my circle happy, because ultimately, I can handle myself at work. And I can handle asking for something without being aggressive. 

I am going to be, just who I am. I won’t really change for different circumstances, my personality will just mold. 
Life is good. Life is good, right now. A year ago I thought I’d be moving out of state to change universities. I thought I’d be studying Music. I planned to live paycheck to paycheck. I wanted to move away. 

Now it’s been 13 months, and the desire to move wavered for the first 4, and then the one email sent to my brother changed everything. I asked if he’d want to room with me for his first year at university. And he said yes. So I committed to staying. And then I committed to a great job. And then I committed to some new friends.  And then I committed to a different course of study. And all of the sudden I’ve got a handful of commitments in Phoenix, Arizona and they make my life worth living. 

Life is good. It’s good right now because I choose to see where I’ve come from, I’ve got somewhere to go, and I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. 

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