Something Real

I used to listen to a lot of Bluegrass music and I particularly loved the Avett Brothers. Their song February Seven always touched and always seems to apply in different ways. A few days ago (Actually on February 7th, ha!) I listened to it and a specific couple of lines caught my attention:

I went on the search for something real
Traded what I know for how I feel
But the ceiling and the walls collapsed
Upon the darkness I was trapped

This summer I traded in studying what I loved for something I think would be more profitable for a career. And I’m learning to love it, but for the longest time I felt like a failure and that I couldn’t keep up. I wasn’t cut out to be here.

I realized I let myself go to a mental state and physical situation where I’m not comfortable.

If you want something real, you’ve got to trust what you know combined with how you feel. Mostly, I’ve figured out if you need something, confidence, happiness, relief, or whatever, you may just have to rely on yourself sometimes. I’ve let myself go without some of the personal attention I know I needed for the past few months. And it’s taken it’s toll. It’s time to stop.

I can’t go along not feeling important anymore. I can’t go on having people tell me I can work my life out better than I have it currently set up. I need to be number 1 to someone and that someone is going to be me.

Falling into a pit where you don’t feel like you can get out is awful. I helped my sister get out of one earlier this year, and now I need her help. I’m unhappy and exhausted. She’s the only person who actively tries to help me with anything. I’m so lucky to have such a caring person in my life.

There is always support in your family. That’s the something real you start with.

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